21 Sep

I called the lawyer’s office today to draw up divorce papers. I’m ready. Well…. “Ready as I’ll ever be” definitely applies here. I also had a session with my therapist today and we were talking about a new man in my life. She asked if I’m ready. I am.

It would be easy to prolong our separation and wait to file the official divorce papers. We already have our separation agreement in place. We’ve already come to an agreement on things financially and legally. We don’t have any pending problems. We aren’t in a constant state of distress or arguments. Now I understand why people can stay separated for extended periods of time without filing for an official divorce. The marriage is already done. It’s just the state that has to proclaim it at this point. The only difference a divorce makes at this point is we will file separate taxes and we could get remarried if we want. That’s not in the cards for me any time soon. So what’s the point?

I know I have a tendency to procrastinate. It would be so easy. But I am ready. The point is to officially close this chapter so I can begin a new one with a clean slate. My chapters have been happening over the past year, but maybe it’s time to begin a whole new book. I can’t do that until we move from the “separated” box to the “divorced” box. It’s time. I’m ready.

I would be lying if I said the possibility of a new relationship isn’t affecting my decision at all. I realized that if I was thinking about dating a man who was separated I would want to know that the divorce is definitely moving forward. I would want signs that he’s not hung up on his ex. That he’s truly ready for this break. So when the conversation comes up I can say the papers are being filed. Or I just signed. Or it’s waiting on the courts. It sounds much better to me than an up in the air “oh we’re separated”.

When my therapist asked if I was ready for a man in my life, there was no hesitation. I am ready. I’m finally at the point where I think I would be a good partner to someone. Up until this point, I think any relationship would’ve been too much about me, my needs, my feelings, my emotions. I would’ve been looking towards him to fill that void. To find my self worth. To love me when I didn’t love myself. Now I know I’m on sturdy ground to be an equal partner. In fact, I think I’d be a pretty damn good one.

I’m ready.

Love and next steps,


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