Tag Archives: changes

What Not to Say Wednesday: It Will Be Okay

11 Jan

I thought I’d start a new tradition here at Just Keep on Moving… What not to say Wednesday! This started with a post about all of the things not to say to a person going through a divorce. I realized the list was looooong. Thus, What not to say Wednesday was born. These posts won’t always just be about what not to say to someone going through a divorce. Over time and depending on  my inspiration we’ll explore other totally ridiculous things that people say. And we all know that there is an endless supply. Fun, right?

 

So up first… “It will be okay.”

Here’s the deal. Someone going through such emotional turmoil and general upheaval in their life, doesn’t need people telling her something as trite as “it will be okay.” Is that the best you can do? Really? “It will be okay” seems to be a quick reaction when we don’t know what else to say. This is most likely the case when it comes to finding out a friend or loved one is going through a divorce. We don’t know what to say. Our first extinct is to try and ensure this person that things will work out for the best. Unfortunately, these four little words fall flat. Way flat.

Somewhere under all of the emotions and the crap, this person knows that things will be okay in the end. This is how life is. “Time heals all wounds” and all that crap. They certainly do not need you trying to tell them this. They know they will go on living and breathing and in time life will bring other challenges. “It will be okay?” No shit. Try something a little more heartfelt next time Sherlock.

What to say instead: “I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now.” Empathize. Show this person that you care. Show them you understand enough to know that this is a really difficult situation for them. If you want to go further with any words of encouragement or the glass is half full approach, adding something along the lines of “In time, I know you will get through this,” is appropriate. See what I mean? So much more meaningful.

Words and changes,
Amy

The Official John Hancock

29 Sep

Today is the day that I will officially sign my divorce papers. Once this is done, it will go to the courts and a judge will sign off on the official divorce in about 30 days. Naturally, I’m not feeling great about it.

I wrote before about being ready and how I was feeling on the day the lawyer called and said the papers were ready to sign. Everything in both of those posts still applies. I’m ready, but I’m not happy. It’s time, but it’s difficult to believe it’s here. It’s the right thing for the two of us, but it doesn’t make me happy.

Divorce sucks. It’s sad. It’s devastating. It’s challenging. It’s life changing.  It’s forever.

The best way to describe it to people who haven’t felt everything I’ve felt is to say that I feel at peace, but incredibly sad. It seems contradictory. It took me a long time to feel at peace with this decision and some days it seems I’m more resigned to the fact that at peace with it. Sometimes in life, doing the right thing – the best thing – is the hardest thing. I would say this qualifies.

Ironically, September 29th also marks the day I signed the papers to buy our house just a short two years ago. So much can change in two years.

So today, I will sign the papers that will forever change my life. Today I will end my relationship with a man I love and care about deeply. Today I will do what needs to be done. And today I will be at peace yet incredibly sad. That’s where the margaritas come in.

Peace and sadness,
Amy

Simplicity

16 Sep

All at once,
the world can overwhelm you.
There’s almost nothing that you could tell me,
that could easy my mind.
—Jack Johnson, “All At Once”

One of the transformations I’ve made over the past year is my desire to just keep things simple, stupid. Not that I ever purposively meant to be complicated or overwhelmed with stuff, of course. At one point after our separation, I became extremely overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that we had in our house. While it was difficult for him to move out, he was able to do so without thinking about all of the stuff he was leaving behind. Much of this stuff has been sitting in our office, guest bedroom, and garage since we moved into our house. It was just something that we both avoided dealing with. Afterall, who wants to deal with a bunch of crap?

poster for the TV show Hoarders

Sometimes I watch this show to remind myself that it could be WAY worse

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